–  Not Involved in Any Payments to Romney      
Washington, JC Wire

A spokesman for the White House emphatically denied today any involvement in a SuperPAC alleged to have paid Mitt Romney to make inane statements to the press.  Gordon Poobah, Assistant Public Relations Liaison, stated that President Obama has no knowledge of any such Democratic affiliate and asserts that the President does not agree with recent comments by his political contender.

Reports have conjectured that Romney must be receiving sizeable payments to make remarks regarding Middle Eastern politics and domestic attitudes on economic victimization sure to backfire on his campaign.  Ross Whups, head of the analyst firm Politainment, said, “These can’t be planned policy statements.  Romney must be shooting off the cuff, and why would he do that?  As a revering capitalist, he has to be responding to money over any campaign logic.  He’s just wired that way.”

SuperPACs have become the main suspect in a search for the instigator.  Carl Rove, originator of his own SuperPAC, American Crossroads, responded forcefully.  “We didn’t run Citizens United through a stacked Supreme Court to end up with this irresponsible outcome.  It gives a bad name to SuperPACs and to the American tradition of financing electoral politics.”

Senate Republican leaders were quiet on the issue.  Instead of taking questions from reporters, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell left the microphones after a few brief remarks.  Sen. Lindsey Graham, R-South Carolina, went further and predicted people won’t change their votes based on an “ill conceived analysis at a fundraiser.”  Running mate Rep. Paul Ryan said these leaked comments were “obviously inarticulate” but clarified that Governor Romney was addressing the need to reform dependency upon the government by the governed as well as to reform the government itself from the top post within the government.  “In other words, less government,” he summarized.

In a campaign stop at a VFW bar in Poughkeepsie, New York, the former Massachusetts Governor made it clear “I will not be apologizing for my actions or statements.  I’m not The Apologizer!  God bless me, and America, and a few other countries.”  A sudden power loss at the establishment made it impossible to hear Governor Romney’s remarks, which continued for several minutes until an aide informed him that no one was listening.