Citing an irreconcilable lack of actual science in use by current politicians, UC Berkeley Chancellor Nicholas Dirks announced the removal of Political Science from the academic curricula. “American politics has abandoned all semblance of scientific study and logic. Until we can decide whether to place it elsewhere, such as Entertainment Media or Theology, we cannot continue to support it as an independent academic discipline,” said the Chancellor.
“It was just getting too embarrassing,” said Political Science department Chair Dr. Phillip Buster. “Political Scientists placed in elected positions should be using science to further their work. As it is, they speak of science with unsupportable disdain. Those who challenge them with evidence are spit upon with accusations of being ‘fact-checkers’ – as if they are blasphemers and proven facts are fallen idols! I’m afraid science in American politics has entered a very, very dark age. It’s time for me to go Emeritus.”
“We’ll be disbanding most of the department” explained Chancellor Dirks. “At first we thought of transferring the students and faculty to Sociology. In a review of the present election cycle, we’re now leaning toward tossing them all into the Drama department.”
Asked how Berkeley will treat the Bachelor degrees already granted in Political Science, the Chancellor replied, “We haven’t made a final decision on that, but we’re favoring a reduction to an AA degree. Depending upon other courses he took, an alumnus should be able to apply for a BA from another department – perhaps with only one or two additional online courses.”
Berkeley, home of the Free Speech and other political and social movements in past decades, is an unexpected place to begin such a retreat. “Mario Savio will be cursing from his grave!” said Jusdon Gogh, a former activist from that era. He was joined by Law Professor Fritz Speek, who said, “I’m sorry to have arrived at such a day, but ‘Political Science’ in America has become an oxymoron!”
Lamenting his departure and that of the department, Chairman Buster added, “The University of California at Berkeley is frequently rated the best public university in the world! How can we maintain that reputation when we have a department with the name of ‘Political Science?’ We talked about changing it to ‘The Political Scene,’ but that was just too weak as an academic standard.”
Chancellor Dirks reviewed the process for dis-accreditation of the department, saying the full faculty would put its fate to a vote after a three-month review. Citing a recent assessment of the field, he said, “I feel we have failed the American public when so many elected representatives deny the proven reality of Climate Change. In so doing, they assail the very principles of scientific study. We ourselves have clearly failed in our mission to educate them.”
Shaking his head, Chairman Buster said, “The current Congress seems to lack even the basic fundamentals of scientific research. To vote for a repeal of an existing law more than fifty times, with the absolute certainty of failure, leaves the arena of scientific process and wanders off into some kind of socio-theological cult! It is indeed a dark day.”
