Former Governor Targets Full Elimination of Debt
JC Wire Boston, MA
Mitt Romney spoke in front of historic Old North Church in Boston today, exalting hundreds of the Tea Party Faithful to take debt elimination to the final frontier. “We’re well on the way to reducing our national debt with the sale of the state of Alaska. Why not go all the way and eliminate the whole thing?” he challenged.
The multi-millionaire, former Governor of Massachusetts, and current Presidential candidate elaborated: “I’ve heard a lot in the news about a ‘Two State Solution,’ and now I’ve got one too, er, two,” he clarified, holding up both thumbs. “I know a state that doesn’t even want to be part of the Union, even said they’d like to secede. I say, ‘Why give it away? Let’s sell it for a bundle!’”
Referring to that evening in April of 1775, Romney said, “The call from this very church tower of ‘Two if by Sea’ began a revolution that gave birth to our great country. We must bravely make that call again, casting off two of our states by the sea, for the preservation of our way of life. Alaska is not enough; Texas has to go as well.”
Questioned whether the sale of this second state would be sufficient to clear the debt balance, Romney replied enthusiastically, “With all the oil and gas reserves, not to mention the US Strategic Reserve stored underground there, we should get at least as much as Alaska.”
“Right now our strategic reserve is 725 million barrels, with more than half of that in Texas,” he continued. “Even at today’s lower price of $80 a barrel, that’s almost $40 billion just waiting for a buyer to turn on the spigot. As for drilling, not only is it a big state with proven fields, there’s a whole continental shelf out there to explore! It’s an attractive property!”
Asked by a member of the crowd whether it was proper for a Mormon to be speaking from this venue, Romney retorted, “In Boston, Old North Church is officially known as Christ Church. We’re all Christians, so that’s the end of it. What’s really important is that it takes a man with successful business experience to recognize opportunity and capitalize on it. In that regard, I’m your man.”
“This plan addresses the illegal immigration issue too,” continued Romney. “A third to a half of illegals have been entering the U.S. through Texas. Now, who cares if they come to Texas? It’s not our problem!”
Discussion ensued around likely buyers. “China will be maxed out after the Alaska purchase; so we’re looking at our Middle Eastern allies. They’re in the business and a lot of the reserve we got from them anyway. This acquisition will make it easy to achieve scale economies and distribution advantages — just the kind of KSF’s, or Key Success Factors, we’d find for international consulting clients when I was President of Bain & Company. Okay, CEO: same thing.”
Questioned about selling an entire state that was part of the contiguous 48, Romney explained, “Heck, the Big Hill strategic site near Beaumont was officially declared to be a ‘Foreign Trade Zone.’ Much of the state is already separated off. I say we just give the whole thing one big push.”
A Washington Post reporter inquired if this plan had anything to do with his presidential bid, noting that Texas Governor Rick Perry is a primary contender for the GOP nomination. “No, no; I’d never even thought of that. But, now that you mention it, Perry could end up becoming President of his own country! Then he wouldn’t have to worry about Social Security scams; and America could save even more money, freed of those future payments.”
Asked by Tea Party members whether former President George W. Bush was in favor of the proposed sale, Romney responded affirmatively. “He thinks it’s a good deal. He’s talking with some of his buddies to put an offer together. They might even do a joint proposal with the Saudis.”
As for support from the major political parties, Romney added with a broad grin, “If we can successfully place George W. Bush in a foreign country, we’ll have the blessing of Republicans and Democrats alike.”
Reported by James Chandler © 2011; chandlercraft@gmail.com.
Miss the first report on the sale of Alaska? See it here.