5/8 Dome Trademarked
Jcwire: Mariposa, CA
Today the National Park Service renamed an historic national park, introducing “Yosemighty” to its four million visitors from within and beyond the fifty states. Disputes with the former concessionaire, Delaware North Corporation, forced the hand of the NPS. Jon Jarvis, Director of the Service, admitted some reticence toward announcing the new name. “It was that, or pay another fifty million for DNC to release their trademark. In a land of magnificent granite outcroppings, we were between the proverbial rock and a hard place.”
Other locations trademarked by the unsuccessful concessionaire had to be changed, including “Camp 5,” the valley hangout for world renowned climbers, “Glass Lake,” previously called Mirror Lake, “5/8ths Dome,” increased from Half, and “F-ing Awesome Overlook,” formerly known as Glacier Point.
Visitors were perplexed and perturbed by the changes. “This is nothing less than extortion!” exclaimed Henry Miller of Mill Valley, CA. “I’m ready to round up my friends with RV s; we’re going to caravan to Buffalo and park in their (deleted expletive) parking lot until this changes!”
“I’ll come along!” said Herman Little of Omaha. “Of course, we may have some problems with our sewer clean-outs when we’re there,” he added with a laugh.
A popular park ranger who had been giving nature tours and evening talks at Yosemighty for three decades was disappointed but taking it in stride. “It’s still as beautiful as it was before. ‘A rose by any other name, just as lovely,’ you know. We’ll get used to it. Truth be told, lots of foreign visitors pronounced it this way anyhow.” He shrugged his shoulders, adding that his comments had to be anonymous. He was informed on Tuesday that his name had been trademarked as well.
Visitors entering along the Merced River entrance were surprised to find a $10 concession surcharge in addition to the entrance fee. Stacy Perlmutter, gate ranger, said she was instructed to collect the charge “until a counter-suit was settled. Some accounting thing about recouping residual ‘liabilities and goodwill.’ ”
Resistance to the legal maneuver continues to grow. A hacker group announced it had breached DNC’s website and redesigned the landing page, smearing it with blood and currency. Meanwhile in San Francisco, the Natural Resources Defense Council filed a trademark application for the name “Delaware North,” referencing a map listing created in the 1800’s for planned but unbuilt streets over unstable landfill in the City. Rhea Suh, President of the NRDC, said, “We find it fitting that Delaware North be marked and preserved as an environmental error of land misuse that was, and will be, successfully avoided.”