“Students, take your seats!” The roughhousing students ignored his request.

“Students!” he shouted, hoping the volume would grab their attention.

“Screw you!” said a voice from the back.

“Sit down, now!” He watched for responses so he could send the perpetrators to the principal’s office. If he could just thin them down … . They meandered toward their desks.

“We have things to accomplish today. To do so, we need to learn both information and skills. Especially social skills,” said the teacher.

“You mean like this?” A student half way back farted. Something whizzed by Obama’s ear.

“Who threw that? Spitballs are not appropriate behavior for the classroom!”

“I did. What are you gonna do about it?”

“Donald, you’re not even in this class. Why are you here?

“I’m sitting in, preparing to take over your job! I’m going to fire you!”

“You can’t fire a teacher, Donald. Go back to your own class.”

“I can’t. I’ve been suspended by the do-nothing administration.”

Obama sighed. “I’m impressed; at least they did something.”

“The teacher can’t teach!” came a voice from the front.

“Marco, take your seat.”

“Why should I? I’m not learning anything here. I don’t know math tables or history or anything. So why bother?”

“So you might actually learn them.”

“Who cares?”

“One day you will have to manage a family budget. You’ll have to make your own decisions. Looking at how others faced decisions throughout history can help you.”

“I know all the history and math I need. Castro’s been in power over fifty-six years. Because of him, I’m an immigrant.”

“Yeah, throw him out!”

“Donald … . Let’s be constructive.”

“I was born here. That makes me a US citizen. My parents were the ones born in Cuba.”

“Throw them out too!”

“Oh yeah? What about your girlfriend? Let’s throw her out!”

“Boys, enough! Sit down! We have some important business today. We have to agree on a class secretary to take notes and be sure we’re all following the rules.”

“Not gonna happen.”

“Mitch, why would you say that? We need a class secretary.”

“We’re already through half the school year. That means we’d be voting with less than half of our authority. Less than half rounds down to zero. There is zero chance we’ll do it.”

“This isn’t math; it’s choosing a secretary to represent our interests. Every class has to have one. The last secretary we had transferred out of state.”

“I don’t like the one you’re going to pick.”

“We’re going to pick. And you don’t even know who that will be.”

“Doesn’t matter. I don’t like anyone.”

“Let’s break the school!” shouted a boy in the back.

“Ted, not again.”

“Yes! I’ll show them. Now I know where the electric panels are, and the gas shut-off. I’ve been saving bricks behind the gym for the lunchroom windows. We’ll break them all this time!”

“Ted, do you know how much it cost to repair the damage you did last time?”

“Who cares? I didn’t have to pay for it. It was fun! Everybody was looking at me!”

“Okay, stop! Everybody stop what you’re doing and return to your seats. We have a history lesson to cover on the Constitutional Convention. Mitch, how do you think the framers got all thirteen colonies to work together on that?”

“Probably never happened.”

“Yes, it did happen. People with widely divergent ideas got together to make something for themselves and for everyone. For instance… .” The bell rang. Students shouted and pushed each other out the door. Teacher Obama sighed and rubbed his temples.

Leaving his classroom, he walked toward the principal’s office. From the playground, members of his class shouted, “Obama, Obama; we don’t wanna!”

“John, how many days ’til the end of the school year?”

The principal looked at a desk calendar featuring the day’s date and another number he had written in with bold marker. “One hundred forty-seven, Barack. Have a bad day?”

“More than a day. Seriously John, can I take early retirement?”