Santa Claus – blue eyes, long lashes … hmm

It puzzled me. I’d studied Spanish in High School and married a Cuban. I conversed with “mi suegra” – my mother-in-law – who spoke no English. I’d lived in San Francisco, in a state that also honored many sainted women: Santa Ana, Santa Barbara, Santa Clara – and on down the alphabet. “San,” “Santa” – male, female. Why had it taken me so long? Santa Claus is a woman!

I’m not sure what to make of this. I’m a person with an open attitude. I’ve always thought the diminution of Ms. Claus – the missing character in this seasonal play – was a gross oversight. “Behind every great man” and all that. But Santa himself … er, herself?

How’d she get into this line of work? Was this her idea all along? Or did the old man run out of steam, his determined wife doing what was necessary to get the job done? Did it even matter? Not really, and good for her! No wonder all the presents got produced and delivered – on time! What guy could pull that off? Another competent woman donning the garb of the opposite sex just to be taken seriously. It’s never been fair.

But how was I going to explain this to the kids? We’ve rolled out that whole reindeer and sleigh thing, the bearded psuedo-Santas in the shopping malls, the bellowing bass of “Ho Ho Ho!” How does one rewrite history, rectify the injustice, switch the imbued roles of gender … to a five year old whose eyes are filled with innocence and anticipation?

Wait a minute: I have three daughters. They’d probably cheer at the news! Women worldwide should take heart. A #MsSanta groundswell could rise up, leading the way to gender equality. On to the capital!

Or not. Maybe I should just keep quiet about this, tell no one. We could make a slight change to the rules of Spanish, stating that “Santa” could sometimes refer to a male saint, or be a first name. That would be the safest, the easiest, the least disruptive to the year-end fortunes of retailers everywhere.

And the most cowardly. Aren’t we ready to admit that a woman can be President, can lead a public company, can fly around the world in a sleigh wearing pants? I’m calling it like it is. “Hey everybody, Santa Claus is a woman and I’m proud of her!” Amazon and Bezos? Move over, comin’ through. You go, girl!